Anti-Semitism isn’t funny.

I was in the Museum of Jewish Art and History (Le Musée d’art et d’histoire du Judaïsme). It’s a beautiful building featuring impressive and moving exhibits. They provide visitors with audio guides free of charge. I’m not always a fan of audio guides, but the exhibits were frequently in Hebrew and described entirely in French so it was necessary. (The only Hebrew I know is the wine prayer. And while that certainly comes in handy in Paris, it’s not so useful in a museum.)

So I found myself in a room filled with various and ancient Hebrew tombstones. It was amazing to see these concrete (well, stone) examples of the presence of Jews in France hundreds of years ago. I wandered through the room along with an elderly couple, listening to my handset describe the unearthing of the stones and the age from which they came.

As I looked over these memorials to loved ones, Audio Guide Man said, ‘For more information on anti-semitism in the Middle Ages, press 5-5-1.’

Now do you recall those read-along records we had as kids? The one where you’re reading Peter and the Wolf and the record says “At the sound of the beep, turn the page.” Remember his voice? His inflection? His enthusiasm for turning the page? Well, there he was. In my ear in the 4th arrondissement. That same voice. That same inflection. That same enthusiasm for pressing 5-5-1.

So I laughed. And no, it wasn’t that uncomfortable, at a funeral, inappropriate laughing. It was real laughing at something really funny.

Okay. So maybe you had to be there. Though by the looks I received from the elderly couple who were there, no, that wasn't it (But I’m guessing they never had that record. Probably don't even know who Peter and the Wolf is. Are.) But if you had been there, you Generation X American, you would have laughed with me. I promise.

Oh, and by the way, if you’re wondering, I did press 5-5-1. And anti-semitism in the Middle Ages (and I’ll go out on a limb here and say every other age, as well) really isn’t funny.

Sheri needs to stop playing with Google.

Type "[your name] needs" into Google.

Sheri needs to find a WWII German nurse's uniform pattern.
(Really, I don't. And I'm frightened that someone does.)

Sheri needs a ride for 1 to San Ramon.
(It's 61 and sunny there.)

Sheri needs help.
(Kind of goes without saying, doesn't it?)

Sheri needs to go.
(To San Ramon? Or to the bathroom?)

Sheri needs a serious attitude adjustment.
(Oh yeah? Says who?)

Sheri needs help with Broodlord quest chain.
(Obviously.)

Sheri needs to get some sleep.
(Who doesn't?)

Sheri needs more data.
(Again, I say, who doesn't?)

Sheri needs a road trip.
(Yes, to San Ramon. We already went over this.)

Sheri needs a deformed finger.
(To get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar? Like the meganosed fly who drinks the nectar out of the long deep floral tubes of its botanical counterpart. Darwin would be thrilled.)

Sheri needs to check with prison officials.
(Always a good idea.)

Sheri needs help identifying the two seated adults in this photograph.
(Uh, check the back of the picture.)

Sheri needs random sex and lots of it.
(Random partners? Random positions? Perhaps it's just a lot of sex with a person named Random, though I know of only one and she's fictional, and teenage, and a she, so not my type.)

Sheri needs direction to proceed with Phase 2.
(Awaiting instructions like a good little agent.)

Sheri needs to be left alone.
(Please exit in an orderly fashion.)

Do Wii need an alibi?

Several months ago, Jessie used my Wii Fit. She hasn't been on it since and while I thought nothing of it, Inspector Wii found it very suspicious. I started him up and he gave me the above message. I'm not sure what the inspector was implying, but it wasn't good. I watch TV. I know.

(Is there any more accusatory piece of punctuation than an ellipsis?)

I would have told him I had done nothing with Jessie; she just hadn't been over in a while. It's cold out. But he has no ears and I have no Wii Speak, so it wouldn't have made a difference. And anyway, it's just a video game. An overly concerned, somewhat invasive, connected to the internet and police forces everywhere video game.

So now I find myself, every so often, posing as Jessie while I do a few hula hoops.